Cinco de Mayo always reminds me of Tedd O'Neil. Because today is his birthday.
Usually Tedd celebrates by renting a room at the Madonna Inn (a different room every year) with a couple of girlfriends, taking some Ex, and getting dressed up in loads of makeup, wigs and glittery dresses and having a Polaroid photo shoot. Bummer, I never got to make the trip to SLO with him, but I always loved seeing the pictures post road trip. Tedd with heavily made up, half closed, dreamy looking bedroom eyes, peeking come-hithery from in between wisps of shiny blue bangs. Tedd, lovely biceps framing a sequined sheath dress, held up by hard flexed dark hairy calves, braced and teetering on a large pair of thick soled high heeled stripper shoes. Beautiful women, equally made up, smiling voluptuously on either side of him.
Tedd would greet me at the door of his Valencia street flat with a squeal of "dahling!!! Honey sweetie lovey cutie sweetie dahling, do come in!". Wisper kisses and bear hugs, he would lead me through the flat, to the back porch which he had transformed into his black market backdoor hair mechanic salon. He'd sit me down in an old fashioned swivel hair chair, refashioned in glittery red vinyl and drape the cape around my neck. Mr. Bun Bun, Tedd's sweet mannered, papa's boy black & white splotched cat would jump into lap and purr while Tedd chatted and cut my short, red locks. He loved to recount the day I showed up on his doorstep in tears after a particularly terrible haircutting experience (done by someone else) that left me not feeling like myself. He made it all better, and from then on, I never went to anyone else for my hair, until he left me no choice.
Tedd's cuts would take a couple of hours, because Tedd talked more than he cut. He worked slowly and carefully in his own way, but I always left satisfied, and I always felt like he got it, he made me feel like... me. He'd play music really loud while we chatted away. The pixies, The Breeders, Tenacious D- he'd step back to lip sinc into his scissors, hard core rock star style. We'd tell each other stories and laugh until we had tears in our eyes. He'd speak in his Jewish Mutha accent. He'd give me all the dish, juicy, unflattering and all. Tedd had no skeletons in his closet- they were all drinking martinis in his living room. He'd tell me about how his hair was falling away so dramatically, he used spray on hair, like the infomercials. We'd talk about crazy dating stories. He told me he would refuse to go home with a first date, because he was afraid of leaving black spray paint on the pillow. He wouldn't go out in the rain without a hat. We'd reminisce about the old days when I first met him while working behind the bar at Jack's Elixir. He showed up one afternoon and best-friended me in a heartbeat. He made me feel like the best bartender in town. He flattered me with comments. He laughed at my jokes. He painted my fingernails dark green. He drank my crazy concoctions (Fairlight's Delights) and came back every Wednesday afternoon for my reading of Dan Savage's column, "Hey Faggot!" before running down the street for his own shift at the Pilsner.
Sometimes, my hair long and shaggy, I would call for an appointment and not hear back from him for a week or so. That's how he was. he would just drop out for a while, then reappear, giddy and happy and high. Like if he wasn't on stage, on fire, he just wouldn't show up at all. But no one can keep that kind of personality up forever. No one can be on all the time. So when I didn't hear back and I didn't hear back for a month or more, I found myself in his new neighborhood and decided to drop by. His apartment was empty. I knocked on the neighbor's door to ask where he had gone, and she said, "honey, I'm so sorry. You're too late. You missed him. He's gone, honey. He's gone." Through tears she told me about the Xanax, all of them. And the garbage bag. How he sent his boyfriend away to be alone. How his boyfriend found him too late. What about us, Tedd? What about Mr. Bun Bun? How could you have felt that lonely, when we all loved you so much?
I miss Tedd. His chestnut eyes. His spray on hair. His flame tatoos, rising up his hairy legs, licking at his knees. His huge smile and warm friendliness. I'm afraid I'll forget all those moments that we shared. I'm afraid I'll forget his sharp wit, his humor. So I'll write it down, now. While I still remember the reasons why I miss him so much.
